11th January 2008

Happy New Year!  It’s got to be better than 2007 hasn’t it?!!

I’m still surprised that I passed my motor bike test at the first attempt, (just before Christmas)!  The surprise is coupled with a huge sense of relief that I don’t need to ask the training school for more lessons –they’ve been so supportive and spent enough time and money on me already!  The next challenge is to find a bike to practice on as I need to put in some serious mileage before heading off around Europe.  I have some phone calls to make. 

All our plans are changing at the moment.  Ali will not be taking her motorbike test after all which means she won’t be riding round Europe on a motorbike. I feel sad that I won’t have a fellow novice with me and one with whom I’ve shared so much but I understand her decision.  It turns out motorbikes are not really her thing after all.  Hey! – learning to ride a big motorbike when you’re 5ft 2 is no easy task!  I don’t think either of us appreciated this when we hatched our plan back in 2007!  It’s such a shame because the Motorcycle training school have just bought 2 Harley Davidsons which are suitable for vertically challenged riders like us.  I could see Ali on one too!  For any short ladies or men hoping to learn to ride a motorbike, get yourself to Shires of Derby or Nottingham!

The good news is… the trip is still going ahead!  Of course it is – you can’t stop a cancer bird once she’s made her mind up.  Ali will be driving a back up vehicle – a van which is hopefully big enough to carry a broken down motorbike, (just in case someone with a spare van is reading this).  I won’t be a lone rider at all but I will be the most inexperienced one.  We’ve also decided to set off in May, not April, as we don’t want to hit any late bad weather such as snow in Lodz.  I’d better let the Lord Major of Nottingham know we’ve rescheduled so he can put it in his diary.  Finally, we are modifying the route because we don’t want to be away too long in the event of technical or mechanical problems.  We would like a few rest stops too and don’t want to be away longer than 4 weeks.   

There were a lot of things I didn’t realise last year.  I’ve learnt much about believing in yourself as well as how to battle depression, (I’m winning!).  I’ve even been counselling my neighbour on how to survive Christmas when you’re life weary, single and not getting any younger.  I’ve thrown myself back into dating too but with limited success.  I was never very good at it but I decided to kiss all frogs, take up all social offers (except dodgy ones) and try all new experiences (except dodgy ones like the £200 offer I received to sit fully clothed on a young mans face for an hour whilst reading a book from a MySpace member…I asked him what he gets out of it but I’m still not sure I understand… I might have to reconsider if I can’t get a job with Asda when I qualify as a nurse very soon!).  It’s not that I’m desperate, I’m thinking even if I end up single at least I’ll have exhausted all frogs and hopefully had fun meeting people.  I’m interested to see if I get any better at dating too.  When I’ve exhausted all options I’ll hang up my dating shoes for good, relax and get myself a cat. 

So far, I’ve scared off 1 man and turned down 1, both of whom seemed genuine guys.  I’ve also had an hour long conversation over the phone with a guy about some very serious subjects such as his theory on people with compulsive personalities, all whilst he was making himself dinner.  I knew it might be an intense conversation after his emails suggesting I should forget it now if I wanted kids as he didn’t want anymore in the near future for fear of “adversely impacting on his kids” – blimey, I wouldn’t want to adversely impact on any kids, sounds like a most heinous crime that.  We’ve left it that we will both “reflect” on our conversation (his words) and get in touch if we feel we would like to meet up.  How strange is that?!  I’m doing some serious reflexion.

Ali and I are organising a Boogie Nights party on February 16th to raise funds for our charities so we need to start selling some tickets quick!  We have found belly dancers, mystery dancers, live music and a disco so far.  I bought a fantastic long, dark-haired wig as part of my outfit so far.  In fact, I wore it as a vampire to a Heaven and Hell themed party on New Year’s Eve.  When I put it on I feel transformed.  It makes me shake my head around like a Loreal advert and I find myself purring: “Because I’m wwworth it!” at the mirror.  Amazing how different you can feel with just a barnet change.  Well, that’s how it makes me feel but in reality I look nothing like a Loreal advert.  According to friends, it makes me look “about 12” – that’s 28 years younger!  Wearing my magic wig resulted in me being told off for underage drinking by a pub landlord when we popped in for a quick drink before the party.  It was a good night and it tickled me that I started the New Year by walking home with the Devil, (the taxi wouldn’t take him so I offered him a bed for the night). I haven’t told my brother yet that the Devil slept in his bed whilst he was away in Thailand.

Ali is officially dating again.  He knows all about her breast cancer and is still keen.  She is looking really good at the moment and I’m pleased for her.  She really needed a boost.  I also feel reassured and optimistic that there are men out there who can see past a diagnosis of cancer to the person without writing them off as a dodgy investment.  It’s promising, or at least it would be if I hadn’t turned into a one date wonder!  This is probably my own fault; when I’m nervous on first dates with men I’m attracted to I tend to say inappropriate things.  I found myself going into too much detail about porridge recently and heard myself saying enthusiastically to the date, “I just love big chunky porridge oats”.  I saw his eyebrows raise.

I’ve done some research on dating techniques.  There are sites on the internet for men with talk of ‘speed seduction’, ‘establishing your target’ and ‘PUA’s’ (pick up artists) but all this seduction advice including testimonies like, “I attended Dr Love’s seduction school and I’m now happily married to a supermodel,” is aimed only at men.  Sadly, there is a lack of information out there for women on how to secure a second date.  There must be a way of making yourself irresistible that doesn’t involve buying a bag of Nobby’s Nuts – try it in a club girls – Odette and I did this recently and it was like being attacked by sea gulls – men descended on us in a flock but I think they were only after our nuts.  I’ve also asked friends for advice after witnessing an impressive speed seduction display by Odette in under 3 minutes but she couldn’t remember how she’d done it so I’m none the wiser.  When I find out how, I’ll be writing a book about it for women, (which will be available from Amazon just after my wedding with the actor, James Purefoy, attended by both my exes of course, George Clooney and Nick Knowles).  Watch this space!

Finally, a word about hot flushes caused by Tamoxifen.  They were wreaking havoc with my sleep patterns caused by too much festive cheer!  I was hokey cokeying with body parts and the duvet all night long trying to cool down, then warm up.  I think it’s in hand now after cutting out chocolate, sugar in general and alcohol – I’m still getting them but it’s bearable.  Bloody drugs…