3rd February 2008

I’m going back for a breast check up because I seem to pull a muscle each time I reach up to open or close the velux window in my bathroom.  I’ll never make a climber, that’s for sure.  The breast reconstruction seems to be tightening up and my underarm is sore.  It feels lumpy too and I think it’s due to scar tissue misbehaving.  I was at the hospital recently for a psychiatric appointment too, they offered me one back in September but I never received it because they sent their correspondence to an old address.  I decided to take up the offer to talk about stuff; the service is there and I thought it might do me some good to get things off my breast. 

I bought a cup of tea off a kind man in a wig and sat reading old magazines in the waiting room.  I listened with one ear to a lady telling anyone who would give her eye contact that she had lost her husband last year, her daughter had just suffered a stroke at the age of 40, gone blind and has had her legs broken for some reason to do with paralysis.  The lady also said she herself needed 13 operations including new hips, knees and hands….new hands???  I’m sure that’s what she said.  She’d also had a hysterectomy to remove a cancerous tumour.  I thought there should be a health warning in the room saying, ‘Warning! – Waiting here could seriously damage your health!’ because I was thoroughly depressed by the time they called out my name.  I was also wondering whether I should be there at all with my comparatively small list of complaints until I saw the handsome young doctor.

The handsome young doctor knew all about me and the unlucky events of my past.  After he’d assessed me he diagnosed me officially as “not tremendously depressed” and I was quite pleased by this.  They couldn’t offer me an appointment for any support in the near future because the member of staff who deals with breast cancer patients is on maternity leave and in true NHS style she has not been replaced so I’m still waiting.  Worryingly, I was also confused with my sister in law, Ali and I got the idea from what was said that some of my notes had found their way into Ali’s file or vice versa. 

The doctor offered me some happy pills but I refused them.  I don’t like taking pills and I don’t think I need them.  Taking Tamoxifen and Zoladex already worries me stupid.  The Zoladex injections have started to leave deep purple bruising on my stomach which is pretty ugly but I can cope with that; it’s the other possible side effects that worry me more.  Ali has just been diagnosed as having a thyroid problem, which is most likely a side effect of the chemotherapy and Tamoxifen.  It can make her feel tired and depressed at times.  I don’t want to go the same way so I regularly surf the internet for safe alternatives and new developments in treatment.  Frustratingly, there’s a lack of research into prevention or alternative treatments.

Ali and I gave a presentation about the trip this week to a rotary club.  I think they needed reassurance that we’re not totally mad before agreeing to help us raise funds.  Jeepers, I hate public speaking but for the first time in my life it didn’t make me hyperventilate or my face turn red!  What a breakthrough – I even found myself enjoying it.   We’re successfully recruiting more sponsors and I’m being loaned a practice bike by Granby Motors of Ilkeston.  I’m very excited about the bike as it even has heated handle grips!  Oh and it’s black.  We’re also busy organising a fundraising Boogie Nights Party at the Nottingham Boat Club for an alternative Valentine’s Party on 16th February and have had some great offers of support for this including 2 live bands, belly dancing and various prizes.  It should be fun.  Come and strut your stuff like Dirk Digalo!

I went to the Motorcycle News Show down in London this weekend and networked – I’ve just reread that sentence – because it struck me as surreal for a moment and it sounded a little pretentious!  I suppose I’ve been doing things that I never thought I would have the confidence to do before this cancer business.  I would really recommend having cancer if it was safe to so!  Anyway, some of the bike manufacturers were very interested in the trip and I renewed our links with Harley Davidson.  I smiled at their marketing man and asked him if their answer was definitely ‘no’ and he answered, “No”, so, that means there is still a chance of us riding Harleys around Europe! 

Insurance wise, we face a real challenge.  Insurance companies are not keen on insuring us through some of the countries we’re visiting in Eastern Europe but one company were very interested as their Marketing Manager was sympathetic to our cause.  It’s amazing and sad too that when you talk cancer, there are so many people who tell you they have been touched by the disease in some way.  I even spoke to a fellow survivor at Yamaha.  I also spoke to Charlie Boorman, he of ‘the Long Way Down’ fame with Ewan McGregor.  He was polite but trying to go home after a long day of signings and I could see this in his eyes as I explained red faced and hurriedly about our trip and asked him for tips.  “Don’t ride at night,”, he said, “take lots of photos and remember to enjoy it!”  Ok, I will, thank you Mr Boorman but I’m wishing I had your fame to help us find support and sponsorship.

And how’s the dating coming along?  Well, I turned into a serial dater for a while but my success rate was not good – I’m mostly a one date wonder.  My friend has even bought me Jane Austen’s: ‘Guide to Dating’ in an attempt to save me but I keep falling asleep on page 2.  I think I should also explain that when I said I was going to kiss all frogs in my last blog that I only meant it figuratively.  I do have morals you know!

I’m finding it really hard to keep up with serial dating, nursing, job hunting, (I qualify on 9th March as a nurse), my part time job and our fundraising trip around Europe.  Something has to give!!…. And I’m afraid it’s the dating so I’m hanging up my dating shoes for a while and devoting myself to something which brings me more satisfaction at the moment – Breast Quest 2008!